In most cases when a loved one comes home from a physician and announces he or she is diagnosed with cancer or other serious illness such as heart, liver, lungs or kidney disorder, most members of the family and friends would wrap their loving hands around this family member. Immediate and extended family members in many cases would offer and extend various levels of support to this individual. Almost every member of this person’s family including close network of friends who are aware of this person’s health condition would show emotional love, tremendous amount of caring and empathy. Friends and family members gravitate closer to the individual and within reach for their loving care and support.
Serious illness in a family appears to evoke a sense of need to care for a family member suffering from an illness. Most friends and relatives would go out of their ways to show a seriously ill member of the family tremendous amount of love and dignity. Family and close friends usually would begin to demonstrate great deal of appreciation of this individual’s life and endeavourer to cherish every remaining moment of it.
In some case, this family member may have been the most hated individual in the family. However, our empathy, fear of the disease itself and also fear of the shadow of death overrides whatever feelings of resentments we may hold on the sick person’s character flaws. The irony however, is that these beautiful aspects of human decency are rarely extended to our loved ones suffering from the disease of addition.
Chemical dependence and addiction is probably the only non communicable disease I can think of with the worst bias attached to it. One can make a very strong case that high risk behaviors and other destructive additive behaviors associated with chemical addition makes the disease of addition just as deadly as cancer and other serious health illnesses.
People suffering from the disease of chemical addiction and powerlessness over the chemicals they are addicted to would rob, prostitute and engage in some of the most degrading, deadliest and destructive behaviors most human beings would never engage in even the addicted person when sober. The disease of addiction is vicious, and simply a monster killer that will not let go until it either kills or completely destroys the life of an individual it sinks its claws on. One suffering from the disease of addiction must fight with every arsenal in one’s possession to have a decent chance to win the fight.
I do not want to sound like I am making excuses for addicted persons. I am not. I am simply stating clinical facts. It is difficult to overlook the truth that the brunt of destructive addictive behaviors is on the family members of the addicted person. People suffering from addiction steal, lie, cause tremendous amount of emotional pain and financial burden on the life of their family members. Addictive behaviors destroy family relationships and in many cases cause irreparable damages in family system.
In most cases persons suffering from the disease of addiction appear extremely selfish. The behavior of a person suffering from disease of addiction appear to be all about the person, what he/she want when he/she wants it, whom he/she wants it with and nobody else matters.
It would be easy for one to come to these conclusions and deny a person suffering from the disease of addiction common human decency we extend to our loved ones suffering from other deadly diseases, only when one does not understand the biology of the disease of addiction.
Unfortunately, many of us do not. The disease of addiction and powerlessness over the chemical/s the addicted person is suffering from create/s a monster out of the person. This monster creates the societal bias on people suffering from the disease of addiction and also the destructive behaviors that isolate them all alone from loved ones, and many times to their graves.
A few nights ago, one of my former adult clients who underwent residential chemical dependency healing under my care in state residential facility now closed due to budget short falls called me late at night. This gentleman called because I pledged to every individual who cross path with me in the healing profession that I would continue to support their personal growth wherever they may be. That means they can pick up the phone and call me any time and expect me to either pick up the phone then or return their calls in a timely manner.
Many times these individuals who became my adopted families would call simply to inform me they are doing well, sober and making progress in their personal life. There are other times they would call me to tell me they love me and extend their gratitude for helping stair their ships of live in the right directions during turbulence times. There are also other times these individual would call to share with me their life challenges, seek support, encouragement, self validation and guidance.
On this particular night, this gentleman called to inform me that another gentleman he was in treatment with at the same time under my healing care was found dead of drug overdose in his apartment. This gentleman was in tremendous amount of emotional pain from grieving his friend’s death. He shared with me that the autopsy report indicated this gentleman may have died four days after his body was found in his apartment.
Many individuals who come to residential chemical dependence treatment have minimal family support. That means their family also would not be their support in recovery. Many families of individuals suffering from disease of addiction had given up on their relationships long before the individual made it to residential treatment. Many of these individuals also had been in treatment numerous times to the point their family members completely gave up hope on their recovery and a chance for a sober life.
There are two camps in the field of chemical addiction. One camp believes in the disease concept of addiction and the other camp which believe that addiction is simply a behavior issues. There are compelling arguments on both sides of the camp. I personally took a long hard look at the scientific evidence on the biology of chemical addiction before I accepted chemical addiction as a disease. However, regardless where one stand on the issue of chemical addiction, one crystal clear fact everyone agrees on is that people suffering from chemical addiction face some of life’s worst human crises.
Unfortunately, most people suffering from the disease of addiction are some of the most beautiful, intelligent and talented individuals on the face of earth. These people, just like other members of our families suffering from other serious deadly illness deserve our love and support.
The most potent component of recovery and healing for any human crisis is family. It’s even more so for individuals recovering and healing from chemical dependence. Just as we do not turn our backs on family members suffering from cancer, liver, kidney, heart and other serious health illnesses we cannot turn our backs on our family members suffering from the disease of addiction.
Please make those hands that reach to also touch. Support your loved ones win the battle against this killer monster. They need you and all your support. When there is life, there is still a chance for winning any life challenge. Do not wait until it too late.
By Dr Chris O’Banye
http://internationalinstituteforwellnessandintegratedhealing.com
Tweet: drobanye@iiwih.org
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